I like to look at the little graph that shows how many visitors I have, but why does Google Analytics tell me I am reaching zero percent of my goals all the time? It makes me feel bad!

Well then, just set up a goal and you will feel better. Start with a contact form submission.

1. Go to the Google Analytics dashboard and find the site that is bugging you and click “Edit” on the right-hand side.
2. Second box down labeled “Goal Conversions and Funnels” pick one of the unconfigured goals and click “Edit” under settings.
3. Goal On? Duh
4. Match Type: You are using seo friendly static-looking URLs right? Good job. Use exact match. Otherwise use one of the other ones that will sort out your crap.
5. You have a thank you page for your form don’t you? Well type or paste the URL in the “Goal URL” box. 
6. Goal Name: Whatever you want it to be. Like “Form Submission.”
7. Case sensitive: I guess if you have some kind of crap-ass scripting showing in your URL – go ahead and make it case sensitive.
8. Goal Value: This is for ROI, especially if you are an Adwords user. If you aren’t, guess at your ROI. If you are, I can’t help you. Sorry.

Forget about the Funneling. You need to walk before you can run. Let’s take that up at a later date.